if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
