I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't put those talents on a resume
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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