I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
