If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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