Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
