just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
