I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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