i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
