I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
