i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
