I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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