Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
