i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
