I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In other news, I just burned my penis
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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