so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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