Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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