Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
