Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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