I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
