Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
