Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
