There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
