high people should be assigned attendants
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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