so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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