do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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