Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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