I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who died my cat blue again?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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