i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
