I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
