I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
