p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
