Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still dying that you shit outside
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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