you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
