why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
