I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
