Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
