I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
