grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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