Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
