No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bring money and cleavage
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
