How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
