Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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