I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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