how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
