Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
