i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
