what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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