"it" just moved
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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