i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
