What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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