This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
