I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
